Hot Auguts Nights

I often wonder what my life was like before my son was born. I sit and gaze at him and for the life of me I can't remember any other time in my life that I was ever so happy. My heart continues to grow with every day that passes and I know his fathers is too. I pray every day that my son will grow up to be a strong, intelligent man who has a heart of gold. I hope that I raise a boy who will grow to be a man who reaches for the stars and beyond. I made him a promise in the late hours of the night that he could have the moon if he wanted it all he had to do was go after it and believe in himself as I believe in him.

Going To Grandmas...

They say the simpliest things in life are free. I completly agree as I look at this picture which I will cherish forever. My grandmother, Molly and her great grandson Leo.

Why was I so lucky?

I spend most of my time watching every little movement my son Leo makes. From the squeaky noises he makes to the soft half smile, to the farting sounds he makes that often lead to a diaper change, but the moments that make melt my heart are ones like these. Daddy and Leo, the only two people in my life who seem to sleep more than I do, however it is all worth it when I see them together. As I took this picture one question entered my mind... Why was I so lucky? I have said it before, there is only one guarantee in life, death. There was never a guarantee I would have a beautiful little boy with a father of whom adores him. Never in my life I have I met a man who loves his son more than I see with Stan. I know when I look at our son my heart melts and I now know what it means to be willing to give your own life for that of your child. I can only imagine as I look at this picture and many more just how much Stan loves his son. The bond between a father and son is amazing and I cherish every moment I am blessed to be apart of. I thank God for this gift and I see now the heartache we experienced as lead us to be stronger & has shown us that our love is worth fighting for.

The love of a mother runs far and deep in the soul of every woman. My grandmother, Molly is one of the strongest women I have every been blessed to know. Recently, she lost the love of her life after nearly 50 years together as husband and wife. Through many children, both together and from previous relationships there love remained as strong as it was in the beginning. As I sat in the hospital with my family, I watched as my grandmother said goodbye to the man she loved. It was then in the final hours of my grandfathers life that I realized what love meant to her. Love meant never saying goodbye, even when she knew it would be a while before they would be together again. Love meant remembering what it is about eachother that has kept them falling in love with eachother all over again as the years passed. As my family held on and prayed for a miracle I understood in my heart that the only person that my grandfather was holding on to was his wife, Molly. He died peacfully with his wife by his side, but only after she said it was okay to let go, she'll be okay and will see him real soon. I will never forget my grandfather, while I was not as close to him as some of his grandchildren, I believe my distance allowed me to see the man he truly was. I live everyday knowing that I hold in my heart the hope and faith that allows me to love a man just as deeply as my grandmother loved him and for that I am one of the luckest women on earth.

Success.. Okay not really but were making progress

We have finally been able to get our son to sleep in his own crib!!! Okay well only for a very short amount of time but were making progress as parents. Truth be told, Momma spoils the little guy when Poppa's at work by letting him sleep in her bed. Shhhh don't tell Daddy!!! The dog sleeps there too!

The Greatest Joy

My son. My dearest friend Brian, always says there is only one guarantee in life... death. That simple statement is so true that it is almost hard to accept. I say this only because there are those closest to me who have been challenged with this exact realization. As little girls we are taught that our lives will be fullfilled with marriage and the birth of a child. The truth is no one tell's you that you may never get married and they most certainly do not tell you that you may never be able to have a child. I have been given the greatest gift of all. I may not be married and very well may never be, but God has given me a beautiful healthy little boy whom I believe I fall in love with more every day and this is a gift I will cherish and will never take for granted. What I see when I look in the eyes of my son is love in its purest and unconditional state, that is a love that can only be found between a mother and her child. This is the kind of love people search a lifetime to find... and it found me.

Ahhh Sleep... I kinda remember what that's like.

I simply can't get enough of my little guy!!! I remember a time when I slept this well... those days are long gone now. Actually I have been very lucky to have a son who sleeps at least 4 hours in a row for me. Although I'm pretty sure I don't look this cute when I am sleeping.

Momma & Son

I have managed to reach a level of motherhood that must be amilestone. I have managed to take a shower and successfully shave my legs while my son sleeps. While this must not seem like such an accomplishment to some, it is an accomplishment when it is done in the morning rather than at the later part of the afternoon!

While the mere thought of shaving my legs again (...they need it...) excites me, I am filled with joy and never ending love when I look at my son, or as Stan would like to remind me "our" son and his needs take first priority. So as I write this, hairy legs and all my son is waking from his third nap of the day and is demanding my attention.

Strong Like OX

It seems we are all born with an inherent ability to love without prejudice and yet somehow along the path of life we loose this ability and replace it with fear and confusion. Through 9 months of living in the womb of a complete stranger I grew to love and become dependent on her for everything. Now as I enter this world, against my good intentions, I find my love for her is stronger than I could have imagine. How can you love someone you have never met? This is a question I am most certain she has asked herself in the past few days. Even stronger a question, how is that a love so strong to begin with changes and molds itself into something so undesirable that many run from the mere thought. LOVE: What is this emotion and why are so many eager to deny themselves the true richness of this powerful experience?

Love is an emotion I plan on exploring to the fullest of my ability and will hold onto with all the strength in my being.

Life is so rough outside the womb...

Even though lying in the sun naked with the ability to pee & poop without a concern is great, I couldn't help but be reminded once again why I was two weeks late making my debut.

I have been told it only goes down hill from here but I'm looking forward to experiencing life to the fullest, the outlook seems good considering it's started off with a woman with large breast's constantly wanting to feed me, burp me, hold me and oh yeah wipe my butt!

Gotta go now... I don't think that was just a fart, I gotta tell that woman again that I have a present for her!